CALL or EMAIL Your Legislator Re: MTA Fare Hike! Just Say NO!

YES WE CAN!

SAY "NO"

to the

MTA Fare Hike!

Call or email your State Senator. Click here to find your Senator by zipcode.

Call New York State Governor David Paterson: 518-474-8390. To email Gov. Paterson click here.

~

As Mayor Bloomberg put it yesterday (not that he ever takes the subway):

"When you see what's going to happen to your commuting costs, you should call your state legislators and say, 'I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.'"

~

Here's the lowdown on MTA Subway & Bus Service in the 5 Buroughs

On New York City subways and buses, single rides would go from $2 to $2.50. A one-day unlimited MetroCard would go from $7.50 to $9.50. A seven-day unlimited MetroCard would go from $25 to $31. A 14-day unlimited MetroCard would go from $47 to $59. A 30-day unlimited MetroCard would go from $81 to $103.

Also be prepared for eliminated or reduce service on 6 subway lines. 20% more crowded trains (if that was even possible on the 4 &5 Lex Express during the morning rush hour). And 3,000 job layoffs (so even former MTA employees won't be able to afford the subway).

~

Final Note: Budgetary concerns have the MTA scaling back on the Second Ave subway project by removing a plan to add a third track in case of a subway delay, trains could bypass the delay and the trains would move along as scheduled. The rub is that redesigning the 2nd Ave subway project without the 3rd track is going to cost 26 MILLION DOLLARS, even though it will save 90 million, but lead to delays! Ridiculous! Delays and 26 MILLION DOLLARS down.

Weekend Guide: Princeton Art Museum

So, I know it's only Monday, but anyone who doesn't start their week looking forward to the next weekend obviously doesn't find much enjoyment in going to brunch with your favorite lush, getting more than a bit tipsy on unlimited Mimosas and then spending the rest of your collective afternoon watching the Real Housewives of New York marathon on Bravo. I mean, really. Who doesn't live for a weekend like that?

But, I digress....

For all you City weary New Yorkers who want to take a day trip out of the hustle and bustle (and the unlimited mimosa brunch culture) and see some FREE Masterpieces (i.e. actually get some culture), I recommend taking the NJ transit and heading to the Princeton University Art Museum located in Princeton, New Jersey (Yes, yes. I know I just mentioned heading to Jersey, but its not that bad. This isn't the place where Tony buries the bodies. It's too posh for that.).

The campus itself is gorgeous and full of Gothic architecture. Walking around this campus makes one feel quite regal among its grandeur (well until you see the freshmen sauntering around in their jimjams). Then you come across what would be considered a benign building if it didn't have a bunch of headless walking sculptures in front of it, the Princeton University Art Museum. Once inside there is a variety of art, from European to Contemporary to Asian and even some beautiful mosaics. For a University art museum it is quite encompassing. Plus, its art for FREE!

Can't make it to the Museum? View the Princeton University Art Museum eMuseum online here.

Live Theater for ONLY 10 BUCKS! Tartuffe!

Breadline News:

"All over the City, New Yorkers are being swindled by high theater prices. More and more theater seats are left vacant as New Yorkers stand up and say "We're not gonna take it...Anymore!" and head downtown to the Seaport to see
Tartuffe at the Dog Run Rep."

~

Dear Sassalicious, Cheap (but chic) Readers of mine,

Pockets nearly empty? Need a cheap date idea that doesn't include digging up your old, dirty student I.D. and dawning what you think are "hipsterish" clothes so you get a discount at the movies? Well, don't you fret. Dawn that "top hat, white tie and tails" & show a little class by taking your latest guy or doll to some old-fashioned, high-falutin' theater on the cheap!


Use this CODE: TT410 to get 10 BUCK tickets (Reg. $18) on select performances of this comic romp! Then watch ditzy socialites get duped by a Con-Man in Depression-Era New York City, while you lean back knowing you got the hottest deal in town!

I'll be there in my Sunday best....will you?

Cordially,

Elle* a.k.a. The Cheap Chic

212-868-4444

@ Seaport! 210 Front Street South Street Seaport New York, NY 10038 (30 minutes before curtain)

www.SmartTix.com Click Here

Terms and Limitations: This offer is only valid for March 18th at 8:00pm, March 21st at 2:00pm, March 22nd at 7:00pm and March 25th at 8:00pm. This offer is valid for new purchases only and is subject to availability. This offer may be revoked at any time and may not be combined with other offers. Limit 8 tickets per order and normal service charges apply.

WEEKEND GUIDE: 3rd Annual Cask Festival! Beer, Beer and more Beer!

45 rare beers? From a cask? No cover charge? Pay-as-you drink?

Well, I can't think of anything better to do this weekend!

Stop by and stay drinking at Chelsea Brewing Company this weekend (March 20-22nd) from Noon to Midnight for the 3rd Manhattan Cask Ale Festival. 8oz beers range from $5-9 & 16oz beers range from $10-18. A bit steep for the Cheap Chic, but with rarity comes a price! Plus, when was the last time you got yer hands on a real cask ale and not a can of Beast (Ah, those were the poorest of days)?

Plus, on Saturday it's down to the Final Four in the National IPA Championships and the Winner will be announced on Saturday night!

Click here for directions to Chelsea Brewing Company.

Download a Printable Beer Menu here.

REMINDER: Almost 50 Celebration TONIGHT!

For ONE night only....

Place: Chelsea Clearview Cinemas, 260 W 23rd St.
Time: Show starts at 7pm, Meet Elle* a.k.a. the Cheap Chic in the lobby by 6:45pm
What: Learning "How to Marry a Millionaire" with Monroe, Bacall and Grable
Why: Drag Queens, Millionaires, Classic Films, Vixens and of course, Cheap Events, OH MY!
Cost: $7.50



Not only will you leave the cinema knowing how to nab your own Millionaire (Sugar Daddy, Forbes Lover, or (even better) F$!king Billionaire), but as an added bonus, Hedda Lettuce will be hosting the 7pm show!

SEE YOU THERE!

Seamless Lunch

Last Monday, I had a dentist appointment. I loathe the dentist to the point that I have to consciously restrain myself from not biting the hygienist's fingers off by very politely gripping my hands on my lap and mantra-ing "I will not bite the hygienist. I will not bite the hygienist. I will not bite the hygienist even a little bit..."

Well, I ended up not biting the hygienist and with my "goodie" bag of flosses, toothbrushes and a gum stimulator (Kid you not! There is actually a product called a "gum stimulator" on the market.) in hand, I trudged to work.

As I was walking down Lex, I thought about a pick-me-up lunch that would sooth my battered mouth. The problem always is that in the Midtown Manhattan area, lunch averages around $8-10. That, of course, is way too much for the Cheap Chic.

And that's when I had an idea! After seeing adverts all over the City for the website, I went back to my office and logged on to Seamlessweb.com.

Seamlessweb.com is a website where one can order sustenance for delivery or pick-up from a variety of restaurants & delis in 14 metro areas across the US and the UK ONLINE! That's right, folks. I didn't have to leave my desk to order lunch. Also I chose what time I wanted to pick up my lunch, showed up to the restaurant & there was my lunch, waiting just for me. Quick signature (I paid for my lunch online with my Bank card & since I picked it up there was no delivery tip) and I was eating lunch within 5 minutes.

"Seamless, eh?"


BEST OF ALL, after some Cheap Chic internet searching, I found a COUPON CODE that offered me $5 OFF my order on Seamlessweb. Therefore, my original $8.13 lunch (hot, fully cooked & non poisonous lunch, a vast departure from my usual lunch) ended up being only $3.13, which is even cheaper than the food cart!!!!!

"What a deal!!"

Now I want to share this deal with you, gentle reader:

Just sign up for Seamlessweb.com, make an order and in the

Promo Code box at the Checkout type in:
SEAMLESS123456.

Other cheap peeps claim that this COUPON CODE:

SEAMLESS1234

will get you 30% off of your order

all the time, anytime (unless the restaurant already offers a discount). I'm going to try it soon and I'll let ya'll know how it works!

So, if one day you forget your brown bag, don't fret. Just head to Seamlessweb for a Cheap Chic type of lunch deal. And, of course, share your comments on the blog!

NOTE: Pick-up is only available in Murray Hill, Midtown Manhattan, and the Financial District. Therefore, most ordering on Seamless is for delivery, so make sure you factor in the cost of the delivery tip.

Green Beer in reverse or St. Patty's Day Pubs

Goin' fer a piss up after the parade?

This is THE DAY of Drink Specials and most bars (including the non-Irish ones) will be packed to the gills! If you want to get shlossed in an "authentic" Irish pub, I recommend checking out the MurphGuide.com which has the Ultimate St. Patrick's Day Pub Listings.

And last but certainly not least.....

ST. PATTY'S DAY PICKUP LINE (and true fact!): "Oh, Lass!" "Oh, Bob!" "Did ya know, that while we Americans love to wear green on St. Patrick's day, the color is considered unlucky in Ireland? So, why don't we take off these clothes and get lucky...." *wink, wink. nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more.....*


It wouldn't be St. Patty's Day without the Clancy Brothers...*Hey, whiskey you're the devil, You're leading me astray.*

St. Patty's Day, FREE Style

Happy (almost) St. Patrick's Day

sassaliciously cheap readers!

I hope you are all starting tomorrow morning with Kegs and Eggs or at least some Lucky Charms swimming in Guinness. I know I am! (I know. Such a departure from the ditz flakes I usually have every morning, but one must celebrate!)

And then, why not head to the St. Patrick's Day Parade on 5th Ave and take part in the day where every Blow-in's an Irishman at heart! Best of all...it's FREE!!!

Who: "You, ya Gee-Eyed Git!"
What: Watchin' the World's Largest Parade
The NYC St. Patty's Day Parade
Where: 5th Ave from 44th St to 86th St
When: Tomorrow March 17, 2009
Why: It's FREE and...inevitably leads to Bevvies and much gawkin'
Time: 11AM to 4:30-5:00pm

Worth the note: Bring your flask of whiskey, but make sure yer little Green man's hidden from view. New York's Finest will be out in full force and patrollin' the parade route. Public drinkin' of liquor (even if it is considered the milk of the Irishman) is against the law and thee Paddywagon will be there to haul ye to thee Tombs (minus the Guinness). Also, while cock mangers may be hard to come by, don't drain da snake in the street.

Almost 50! Come CELEBRATE with the Cheap Chic, Millionaires and a Drag Queen!

In honor of the Cheap Chic's upcoming 50th post, she is celebrating in style, along with fives loves of hers: drag queens, millionaires, classic films, vixens and of course, cheap events!

This Thursday March 19th, 2009 at Chelsea Clearview Cinemas, join her for the classic film "How to Marry a Millionaire" starring Monroe, Bacall and Grable for only $7.50.


Not only will you leave the cinema knowing how to nab your own Millionaire (Sugar Daddy, Forbes Lover, or (even better) F$!king Billionaire), but as an added bonus, Hedda Lettuce will be hosting the 7pm show!


Just R.S.V.P. through Cheap Chic Events on Elle Cheap Chic's Facebook Page and let the sass begin!!!

Cheap Chic is on Facebook!

The Cheap Chic has joined the Man!

That's right folks,

The Cheap Chic is now on Facebook!

Just find become friends with

Elle Cheap Chic

(yes, I know, I know... ala French "She Cheap Chic"

or ala Espanol "El (the) Cheap Chic")

and

you'll be the not only the coolest,

but the cheapest peep on your block!

30% OFF at Gap, Banana Republic & Old Navy AND 5% Goes to TEACH FOR AMERICA!

From

Today, March 12, 2009 through Sunday, March 15, 2009

you can get

30% OFF

(Click on lick ABOVE for coupon)

any in-store purchase

at

Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy,

Gap Outlet and Banana Republic Factory Stores.

~

Best of all

5% of your TOTAL purchase

will be DONATED
to

Click here

for more information on Teach for America.

Barbie is 50!

So, I, the Cheap Chic, have a confession. I'm a recovering Barbie addict. When I was a girl (up until...) I was obsessed with Barbie. Of course, coming from two households, 1/2 of my Barbie stuff was new and 1/2 was Garage Sale Retro. Thousands of hours were spent dressing Barbie up, having her make out with 70's, bob-cut hair Ken and making her sass around in her blinding, neon pink limo (with jacuzzi of course, "oolala you, sassalicious Barbie, you").

Lately, Barbie has been getting around..in the news that is.

"Why?" you, my curious reader, may ask.

Well, because the 50th Anniversary of this American icon was this Monday, March 9th (Happy Belated Birthday, Barbie! You can now join AARP!). From Fashion Week to the Malibu Dream House to New Cars, Barbie is getting the celebrity treatment.

One place where Barbie is Queen right now is Bloomingdales at 59th St. Currently, on display (till March 15) for FREE, is 120 vintage Barbie Dolls for your viewing pleasure. Many of these vintage dolls have never been displayed outside of Collectors' homes. Bloomies also has an entire Barbie shop where you can buy Barbie shirts, handbags and accessories to rekindle your childhood spirit and lighten your wallet.

FUN FACT: Barbie's Full name is Miss Barbie Millicent Roberts and she hails from the land of beer, cheese, the Packers and the Cheap Chic youth- WISCONSIN! Willows, Wisconsin to be exact.

Belly Up to the Cheap Bar!

Economic woes got you down? Want to go to a place "where everybody knows your name and their always glad you came"? Well, this ain't Boston- Buddy, but there is one think New Yorkers have perfected: Happy Hour with Strangers.

That's right. At the end of a long workday, nothing is better than bellying up to the bar and kickin' back a few (or four or more) with the drunk and drunker of New York's working masses. However, also with these economic times may come the urge to save, save, save (even on drinking!)!

Well have I got the site for you.

Drink Deal is the real deal.

Separated by Neighborhood in Manhattan and including Brooklyn (sadly there are no drink deals for Queenies at this time), not only do they showcase Happy Hour deals, but also other Specials such as: All-You-Can-Drink/Open Bar Specials, Wine/Margaritas/Mojitos/Fancy Drink Specials, Entertainment Specials (can anyone say Karaoke?), and Food Specials (to vom up later). The site also directs you to Gay Bars, Hooka Bars, Ladies Night Bars, and Smoking Bars to name a few...

Searching the site itself is *intoxicating*. Imagine what will happen when you actually gallivant to one of these fine establishments.....

The Cheap Chic's Guide to Travel: Megabus

A British 'transportation on the cheap' import, Megabus is one of newest carriers to offer bus service from NYC to smAlbany, NY. While Megabus has limited service to Albany (4 departures & 4 arrivals per day) it beats out its competitors in many arenas.


First, Megabus has the fabled $1 fare on each bus. That means you could be the lucky individual who gets round trip transportation for only $2.50 (50c for a service fee). That's cheaper than a latte at Starbucks! Other fares start on a sliding scale from $5 all the way up to $30 (one way). Still with Amtrak's service to Albany averaging around $100 roundtrip, the $60 roundtrip Megabus fare ain't to shabby.

Second, Megabus has FREE WiFi on some of their buses, although on my trip, the WiFi was inconsistent at best (but it's the thought that counts). About an hour into my first leg of my roundtrip Albany ride, the WiFi vanished and on the way back to NYC, even though everyone on the bus could pick up the WiFi signal, no one could connect to it. However, some routes have no problem at all with connectability.

Third, in the Northeastern region, Megabus also services Boston, D.C., Philadelphia, Baltimore, Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse, Niagara Falls, ON & Toronto. For the more traveled (or longer) routes you may be lucky enough to get one of their new double-decker buses which have electric plugs on the backs of the seats for electronics (such as your laptop).

Overall, its transportation and its cheap.

My recommendation is stay out of the bathroom (unless you want blue toilet water splashed on your bum and unsanitized hands from the empty Hand Sanitizer bottle, if it's even there) and you'll get there in one piece.

I mean, what do you want for nothing? A rubber biscuit?

WEEKEND GUIDE: Fountain Art Fair!

This weekend by the NYC Hudson River Piers is the annual Armory Show: International Fair of New Art. This art extravaganza showcases the best in contemporary art from all over the world. Of course, to view this high end art there comes a price. A single day ticket is $30 ($10 for students, how I wish I still were one) and a 4 day pass is $60! That's a pretty hefty price.

However, for those of you who still want to get their "art" on, but Cheap Chic style, check out The Fountain Art Fair. This fair "is a guerrilla-style art event – under the radar, independent and highly influential – where young, Brooklyn-based galleries showcase fresh work without official booth spaces or selection committee juries. Launched in New York March 2006, Fountain is designed to create leverage and support for independent galleries overlooked by the larger, corporate-sponsored art fairs." It sounds exactly like the sort of event a rabble-rouser like me would enjoy (that is if I am not overrun by Hipsters! Eek!). Best of all an ALL WEEKEND PASS is only a $5 suggested donation!

Also tonight you can party to your heart's content and meet the artists from 7pm-11pm. MC Chris will be performing at 11pm.

Fountain NY 2009
Pier 66 at 26th St in Hudson River Park NY, NY 10011
Telephone: 917.650.3760
Dates: March 5-8; 11am–7pm
Reception for public to meet the artists: Friday, March 6; 7pm–midnight
Cost: Suggested donation of $5 at the door for all weekend access

Art and the Sex Doll

Last year, I fell in love with an endearing movie about a man who had a relationship with...well...a sex doll. While, the film, Lars and the Real Girl, was one of fiction, I always wondered if there was someone in this world who fashioned their life in a such a way. Well, guess what? There is.

Now exhibiting at the hpgrp gallery in NYC is a new photography series by Becky Yee entitled More Than a Woman. This somewhat voyeuristic exhibition invites the viewer into the life of a technically single (albeit "married in his mind") computer engineer who lives outside of Tokyo with his harem of Dutch wives (e.g. sex dolls). The photographs invoke questions about society's conceptions on intimacy, loyalty and relationships.

Is is possible for an inanimate object to be loyal?
Does one need a human connection to form intimacy?
Are relationships about real interactions between people
or can they exist solely in one's own mind?

"My ladies are always there for me," he said. "They never talk back, they are completely loyal, and if I get bored, I can just change the head." (Being the NYC dating scene, this doesn't sound half bad to me!)

More Than a Woman-FREE at the hpgrp gallery through March 15, 2009.

hpgrp gallery

32-36 little west 12th street, 2nd floor, new york ny 10014

(between washington st. & ninth av.)

tel. 212.727-2491 / fax 212.727-7030

Subway:	A, C, E, L 14th street
Bus:	M14 (9th ave. at 14th street) M20 (8th ave. abington street) M11 (bethune / hudson street)

hours: Tue-Sat 11am - 6pm / Sun 12pm - 6pm

The Perils...of "Doing Your Own Damn Laundry"...The Conclusion

Last night, as I was finishing the last blog post, I remembered that I still needed to get the tempestuous laundry from the 4th Floor.

I trudged up to the laundry room and saw that my wet clothes had been put in my basket from by another tenant (Quite nicely, I might add.). As I heaved the basket to the dryer, I saw that there was a piece of paper stuck on the inside of my basket. I unfolded it and read, "You left valuables in the laundry. I didn't want to leave it here. 6K- Up all night."

And that's when I realized that I was listening to music before all this hulabaloo happened.....

Hence....I raced up to the 6th floor and retrieved the object I had mistakenly sent through the soap, suds, and spin cycle.

Surprisely, I figured my iTouch was gone for good, but after letting it dry on the radiator all night, I am now the owner of freshly laundered and cootie-free iTouch, albeit with a slightly waterlogged looking screen (but still touch-sensitive!).

The lessons learned from this are:

1. Doing your own laundry may be tedious, but it certainly is never boring.
2. Never do laundry when you not only ate Ditz Flakes for breakfast, but then consumed copious amounts of prescription medication to cure your swamp cold you acquired at Mardi Gras.
3. You can machine wash an iTouch.
   

The Perils of...."Doing Your Own Damn Laundry"

"After enlightenment, the laundry." - Zen Proverb

Tonight, I, The Cheap Chic, vowed to get my life back in order. First on the list, laundry.

"Why laundry?" you, my gentle reader, may inquire.

Well, I still hadn't unpacked by bag from Mardi Gras. I know, I know. It's a week since I've been back, but I actually was considering just handing over my rucksack to the Hazmat team, but I'm too cheap to replace all my clothes. Plus, then I would have to give up my precious, precious beads.....

Anyway, feeling like Karen Carpenter singing, "I'm on the top of the World, looking down on Creation...." for the first time since I got my swamp cold, I decided to start my laundry as soon as I got home from work. With my 1st laundry basket in hand, my iPod wailing Italian Baroque (I know. I'm such a laundry badass), I headed down to the first floor to begin. I added $20 to my laundry card, put in two loads, and headed back to my apartment on the second floor to pick up the 2nd basket. Then I headed up to the 4th floor with my 2nd basket to start two more loads (This is actually a Math word problem. What floor is The Cheap Chic actually on?).

Once in the 4th floor laundry room, I took out my laundry card and my two laundry detergents, tossed them on the top of the washers, and started loading my stuff into the washers. When I finished loading, I straightened back up and reached for my laundry card....but it wasn't there.

"Did I mistake having it in the first place?" I thought. "Did I drop it while talking to my Super in the elevator? Did I leave it in the apartment? Did I forget to clean out the lint trap the last time I did laundry and now I have bad laundry karma?" (It's funny how when you lose something, even though you swear you had it in the first place, you think of tons of different scenarios than the one that actually happen.) Thus, the search began.

I retraced my steps, gazing at the black and white checkerboard hallway tile floor (getting slightly dizzy) looking for my laundry card. Then I hit the elevator button, hoping maybe it was in the elevator. The left elevator opened and my Super stood there. "Did I drop my laundry card?" I queried. He just gazed at me like I was stupid. "You were in the other elevator," he said looking at me like I'm an idiot for forgetting what elevator I was in just 5 minutes ago. The doors closed and I hit the button again. The right elevator lifted, the doors opened, I looked down on the black non-skid mat and....nothing.

So I went for it. In my desperation, I had the audacity and tenacity to pick up the bottom of the mat and look underneath. Not only was this hazardous to my health (being that the mat had the streets of New York times 200 over all it), but it was ludicrous to believe that the laundry card could have managed to fall out of my basket and underneath the mat. But, what can I say? Desperate times called for desperate measures.

See, one downfall of being the Cheap Chic is that $20 is ALOT of money. It is 80 packages of Ramen, 10 trips to the bar for $1 Beers (tip included) at the Underground during Happy Hour and food cart lunches for a week. Plus, it was my last $20 and of course I didn't have any $5s or $10s, which are the only other bills the laundry card machine takes. Added to that, to buy a new laundry card from the machine is $5 itself. Its a freakin' laundry racket! Where are the RICO Laundry laws when you need them!!!

Alas, I dragged myself through the building for one last search. My apartment-nothing. Two different laundry rooms-nothing. All the checkerboard tiled hallways of three floors of my apartment building and....nothing.

At this point, I had already started washing clothes on the 2nd Floor and now had no way to dry them. However, there was nothing I could do about it. I guess that's what shower rods, backs of chairs, tops of doors and ledges are for. I said the Serenity Prayer and trudged up to the 4th floor where I was going to collect my 2nd basket of dirty laundry that started this whole debacle.

And that's when it hit me. In the laundry room, there are three large capacity washers side by side and what if......

Well! Wha'dYa Know? (Obviously, not much)

Afterall, it took me 20 minutes to figure out that my laundry card was stuck between two large-capacity washers. I was instantly elated and back to feeling like Karen Carpenter.

"No worries!" I thought. "I am the Cheap Chic. I can get my laundry card out between the two, 60lbs a piece, large-capacity washers lickitty split." (yeah, right.)

I thought back to my Girl Scout days (you know, camping, fire, nature stuff, etc...) and then I dismissed them (I was more Troop Beverly Hills. All we did is make Gingerbread houses and teach Brownies how to Polka. Seriously, the Polka. It was "West-con-sin" afterall).

Then I thought back to my Singleton Survival Training (Mandatory for all Singletons. It involves various covert activities I'm not at liberty to discuss, along with frequent viewings of Bridget Jones' Diary.).

I quickly ran back down to my apartment. I hurried into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest Chef's knife I could find (6 inches of pure steel) along with my Marie Callender Pie Cutter/TakerOutter thingy (You can tell I use it alot). Next, I went to the linen closet and grabbed a kitchen towel (Do you really think I'm stupid enough to run around my apartment building with a knife? I don't want to get evicted! Plus, a gun beats a knife any day and I don't want to find out which neighbor has one.). On my way out I grabbed the postcard my rents sent me from Hawaii, because afterall it was cardstock and I always found cardstock to be handy in any situation (However, in this one, it was not).

I gently scampered up to the 4th floor, via the stairs as I was less likely to run into any neighbors this way (Afterall, I did have a ginormous knife and a Pie Cutter/TakerOutter thingy in my hand). I knew I had to make it fast. If the Super found me trying to jimmy anything out around these washers there will be hell to pay, especially with my makeshift tools.

I got to the laundry room and laid out my surgery kit on top of the washers. The laundry card was about 3 inches down from the top of the washers. I gently caressed my chef's knife and my Pie Cutter/TakerOutter thingy in line with both sides of the laundry card and started to ever...so...gently pull the card up. It moved a half of an inch, then another half of an inch, yet another fourth of an inch and...SWISH! It fell down into the abyss between the washers.

Instantly, my mantra went off in my head (the one I usually use, along with the Serenity Prayer, for my Subway commute so I don't accidentally push one of the many jackasses on the tracks.). "Breathe deep, seek peace. Breathe deep, seek peace, Breathe deep, seek...." Another deep breath and on to plan B.

I bent down on my haunches and looked under the washer. There is only an eighth of an inch gap between the washer and the floor so I saw...nothing. I got up, bent over again and pulled the washer up. As I struggled to hold the washer up, I looked and what I saw was...the washer. I couldn't hold the washer and look under it at the same time (I can't be at two places at once). "DammnnniiiiittttalllllltoHellllllllll!" I growled and growled. "Where is a Ross when you need one!" (Or at least some East German laundry detergent. Did you really think I could make it through this story without a FRIENDS reference?). Having given up some of my two favorite stress relievers for Lent I knew I was on the verge of nervous breakdown.

Then I got an idea. An awful idea. The Cheap Chic got a wonderful, awful idea.

Sitting before me were two bottles of laundry detergent; one full and one I had just used up. I took the bottle that was full, thought better of it, then took the bottle that was empty and placed it side down next to the washer. Then I bent over again, lifted up the washer and managed to finagle my leg to kick the bottle under the washer and put the washer down. Eureka! The washer was now jacked up on the laundry bottle. Death to physics! Yippie to The Cheap Chic!

Then got down on the laundry floor and....there was my laundry card- fully intact with no scratches on it. Even the chip (which is the brains of the card that makes everything run) was pristine. I grabbed it and kissed it (Yes. Even though it had been underneath the washers.). And I am not discussing what else was underneath there. I've blocked that image from my memory.

When I put my laundry card in the slot to start the long awaited two loads of laundry, the 20 bucks was still on it. And all it took was 30 minutes, a Chef's knife, a Pie Cutter/TakerOutter thingy, a postcard, a mantra, the Serenity Prayer and a back ache for the rest of the week.

So, the moral of the story is this. Screw everything I said in Do Your Own Damn Laundry!. Doing your own laundry sucks, majorly. You live in New York. Send it out!

Okay. Just kidding.

The moral of the story actually is...Ingenuity, My Dear Watson. That is how The Cheap One survives in this City. Pure ingenuity and maybe..."Brother, could you spare 3 Bucks for a bottle of Chuck? After this, I think drinking the bottle and watching Abbott and Costello is the only movement I'm going to make the rest of the night (And maybe laying on a heating pad.).